Do you believe in God?

When Jewish philosopher & theologian Martin Buber was asked if he believed in God by a German Pastor during the nazi rise to power, Buber responded:

"If to believe in God means to be able to speak about God, no, I dont believe in God. But if to believe in God means to be able to speak to God, Yes, I believe in God."

I was surprised to learn recently that the Greek word for God (theos) derives from the Greek verb "theo" which means "flow" or "run". My time of contemplation today stems from this question: When did belief in God become more about about a static set of propositions and doctrines about God rather than a faithful letting go?

To the extent that I have struggled with my faith the last few years, the biggest obstacle for me has been trying to reconcile my deep sense of spirituality in the universe and my complete and absolute lack of interest in evangelism. The faith expression I grew up with does not have much acceptance for such a dichotomy. Because of this, I have struggled over the years to feel like there was a place for someone like me in the church. Every time I have genuinely pursued God, I have found Her in places and in people Shes not supposed to be in. I can acknowledge now that this led to extended periods of isolation and depression in my 20’s. It could have, and probably would have been much worse had I not had Brittany by my side, keeping me grounded while also letting me go through what I needed to go through.

I’m not out of the woods yet. I may never quite be. In fact, Id image that a true “faithful letting go” for me probably means going deeper into the woods. I guess its a good thing then that the woods happen to be a place where God speaks to me. I’ll be 33 this year and Britt, I and our 2 amazing kiddos live on a farm and spend a lot of time in the woods these days. I hope my kids grow up to find God in the same places I do. But I also dont want them to struggle with isolation in the same way that I have. I want so badly for them to have community. I want them to know without a doubt that there will always be a place for them in the church, regardless of where they are or what they think or what they believe (or dont believe). But I’m realizing that in order for them to know that, I’m going to need to get to a place where I know it. And right now, for me a part of coming to know it is saying it out loud. So here’s a start:

I am not an evangelical christian. There is zero part of me that feels like I have something that others dont have or need, or that it is my job to give it to them. I interpret scripture and understand the role of the bible completely differently then I was taught to growing up. I find God in nature and science. I find God on the margins. I find God in other religions. I experience God (almost always), outside of organized religion altogether. I am also a deeply spiritual person. I am a follower of Christ. And there is a place for me in the church. I am grateful for faith communities like St. Augustines and The Litergists for helping me know this is the truth. I am grateful for my many non-christian and non-religious friends who have showed me what real love, friendship, and community looks like, for also helping me know this is the truth.

-Booth